the weird chick

Deep Fried Pickles

December 20th, 2014

September. It was a warm day in September when my love affair with deep fried pickles began. I was a hormonal wreck and sometimes, stereotypes can be pretty accurate: I needed pickles. It was the oddest, strongest craving. Deep fried pickles. They are becoming pretty popular around here, which is definitely a good thing. I love pickles. Always have. Bread them and deep fry them? Oh my God. The best. A few large Canadian restaurant chains had recently added deep fried pickles to their menu, much to my health’s dismay. And then I discovered that the little pizza place down the street was selling them, too. I think I overdid it, I really do, but how could I have resisted this onslaught? The hormones were crying and the pickles were calling, and I caved. For more than a couple of days in a row. I ate so many pickles, it’s nauseating to think about. But oh God, were they awesome. After a few days, I was finally tired of deep fried pickles. I had them occasionally, but the intense craving was gone.

Ever since this September, I’ve been suffering through one week a month of torrential floods of hormones unlike anything I’ve ever felt. I swear, this is worse than adolescence. New symptoms abounded: Nausea, headaches, and annoyingly heavy boobs among them. I even get a sore throat each time now. It feels a little like the early phases of a cold or flu, but with added mood swings, bloating, acne, and temperamental boobs. It’s wonderful, I assure you.

I got off easy as a teenager. No acne, except for one pimple every few months, and no PMS symptoms of which to speak. My uterus and I were on decent terms. I would continue tolerating her need to shed every month, and she in turn would make it as painless as possible. And then one day, after I turned 20, she decided to stab me in the back and give me stabbing pains in my back. (Actually, that’s not very accurate. For the lucky amongst you who are unaware of how cramps of this nature feel, they basically feel like the stomach ache you get right before you need to run to the toilet, fast.) We are no longer on speaking terms.

That was the only change, though, until this September. That’s how suddenly all those symptoms arrived. My uterus and I are now sworn enemies. For now. One month I had horribly achy boobs, another gave me terrible nausea, and this one has given me the nausea, the achy boobs, awful moods, acne in my armpits of all places (quite possibly the most uncomfortable spot to have acne), and an intense craving for pickles. Deep fried, from a jar, or from a chip bag, I have been craving dill pickles like crazy. It’s driving me nuts. The other day, I was hungry, but absolutely nothing looked appealing to me. If anything, everything repulsed me. So I went to bed hungry, and very cranky.

When I awoke the next day, I was still in the same crappy mood. Hungry, but didn’t want anything. I did eat something when I got to work, but I was not happy with it. Not until someone handed me a bag of dill pickle chips. I had not eaten dill chips since I was a little kid. I remember not liking them back then, despite my life-long love of actual pickles. But that day, I loved them. Oh man. They did not quite satiate the craving, though. No, I would need deep fried pickles for that.

So here I am, sitting on my couch, watching Good Mythical Morning reruns, stuffing my face yet again with those horribly delicious pickles. I am weak in the face of demanding hormones. I keep promising myself I’ll do some burpees to try and make up for the binge, but I don’t know how much I trust me.

I do want to try making deep fried pickles at home, in the oven. I’ll have to look up some recipes to get a better idea of what I’m doing. It might be dangerous for me to learn how to make them myself, though. Hmm…

This weekend is Christmas baking weekend. I’m going to be making my favourite chocolate chip cookies, this recipe from Sally’s Baking Addiction; brownies filled with chocolate almonds, with maple candy underneath and maple icing on top; and I’m going to attempt homemade candy canes. If they turn out, I’m going to dip them in chocolate. It’s going to be fancy. I hope I get everything done in time. I want to make my grandma’s bread, too, but I’m not sure if I’ll have the time or energy. It has to be made fresh that day, and I work Christmas Eve; it’s the busiest night of the year. So, we’ll see.

My hormones seem to be slowly relaxing again, which means that any day now, I shall once again be forced to endure the cramping. If my calendar is to be believed, it shall begin on Christmas Day. Until then, I will keep making Perler Bead video game sprites. I want to use them as Christmas tree ornaments next year. I’ve been slacking on the decorating for the past couple of years. Next year, I want to do better. I’m making little ornaments of all the overworld Pokemon sprites and the Game Boy Link sprites for sure, but I’m also going to look at sprites from other old games I have.

But first, I have to go to bed. It’s only 5:40pm here, but damn am I tired. That’s what happens when you work the night shift.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *