the weird chick

A Terrible Idea

October 12th, 2010


“You know, I just had a terrible idea.”

“Oh yeah? What is it?”

“No… Never mind.” She stared off. “Are you happy?” she asked, still staring off the bridge. “You know, with life, your marriage.”

“No.”

She smiled sardonically, staring off the bridge. “Me neither.” She looked at him for a second, then turned back to the bridge. “Sometimes, you know, I think: ‘This is it. This is what my life will be,’ and I hold on to it. I embrace it. Maybe out of fear – I don’t know. And then I think some more, and I just keep repeating to myself: ‘This is it. This is it. This is all it will ever be,’ and then I find myself back here, staring off this bridge. You know, I never liked water. Never was one of those girls who found the beach so incredibly romantic, and I never understood why anyone would dream of a first kiss in the rain. I never understood it. Still don’t.” She went quiet. “My husband thinks I’m just going through a phase. He tells me that I’ll get out of this and I’ll go back to normal. But the thing is, I never was normal. I never even wanted to marry him. But, you know, it’s what I was supposed to do. Everyone gets married, don’t they?” Now he turned to look off the bridge.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

The sky was a polluted mix of purple, pink, and orange, with black hovering just above. She turned around, leaning on the guard rail, eyes now fixed on the road. They stood in silence. An occasional car would drive by, and the occasional curious glance was spared from the driver or the passengers or all. The two stood on the bridge, he staring off into the dirty river and she staring down onto the dirty road. They stood in silence.

“And sometimes, when I get to thinking,” she said, voice broken with nerves, “I think: ‘If only I could just get away from everything,’ but, you know, I really can’t. Where could I run to? I have no where to go, and I couldn’t just leave everyone and everything like that. I’d never get rid of the guilt.” She turned again, looking straight below off the bridge. “But I really need to get away.”

“Hey, do you remember when we first met?”

“Oh, it was thirty years ago, wasn’t it?”.

“Yeah. It was thirty years ago. High school. My sister was just starting, and you were just leaving. I remember running into you when I went to get her for an orthodontist appointment. She was getting her braces removed. I was looking for her, and didn’t notice you. And then I ran into you.”

“It’s a good thing I never carried anything.”

“Yeah.” He looked up at the fading sky. Again they fell into silence.

“I had the stupidest crush on you for so long.”

“Yeah, me too.” They both stared off the bridge.

“You know, I just had that terrible idea again.”

“Oh yeah? What is it?”

“You’ll laugh. It’s so stupid. No, never mind.” She paused. “Maybe we should run away together. I mean, you know, ‘What could have been’. Well, either that or suicide.”

“Suicide?”

“Well, not that I could. I told you, it’s a terrible idea.”

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